Say Your Prayers

I inhaled a deep breath, my eyes still closed. For the last 4 minutes I’ve heard every word they’ve said. The stupid idiots think I’m still passed out. This should be easy.

Where I hated to be restrained, this is not the first time I’ve had my hands bound and my mouth gagged like this. Ugh. Disgusting, they could have at least used a clean rag.
A small reflex hit the back of her throat. “Hold it. Hold it.” Anya stuck her tongue to the roof of her mouth to stop herself from making any noise.

The two men were burly which made her escape seem even easier. Sure, burley men were strong but lacked any sense of real agility or coordination lugging that body weight around. Especially after what she had planned.

Hanging from a wall behind her was a large piece of apparatus, the primary colours faded out after years of use, the silver bars shining through the worn paintwork. Anya flicked her eyes up for a second into the mirror in front, and took a mental picture, capturing everything backwards, but thrilling at the sequence that would commence.

Anya felt her muscles loosen, like they were preparing themselves for yet another training session. Her elbows fell softly towards the floor. She felt the men look over at her, rambling on quietly to each other about god knows what.
She let out a small groan. “This should do it” she thought. All her muscles tightened again, ready for them.

Man number one shot his head up and looked at man number two, worriedly. Man number two walked over to Anya, preparing a good fist ready to knock her into silence again.

In the split second he glanced back over to his colleague, Anya’s eyes flicked open.

“You’re going to want to say your prayers” she smirked with warning.

The Star of The Show

My darkened arena waits for me
Spotlights cast, sand perfected.
A moment we’ve been waiting for
They may think it’s me, but I’m only a part
The star of this show here, is Art
Where I squeeze my legs and hold him under
He leaps and soars around like thunder
The curve of his legs, muscular and taught
A magnificent creature in my grasp
Glistening coat and eyes excited
It wasn’t him, but me who was frightened.
He knows me well, and I know him
My gentle giant who jumps and spins
My world upside down on some occasions
I always go back to my obsession
My turn awaited to prove our dream
Me and Art, the perfect team
His movement moves me
Each obstacle overcome
Landing his legs to the sound of the drum
Our time is up
When will we know?
If Art had become the star of this show

The Whispers

The air was wet that evening and the cold wind that had been blowing for weeks, had turned sharp, like ice that night.
When they found her at dawn, her face was frozen to the side of the tree this time, her eyes glaring widely to the horizon. She was dead.

The stars shone in the sky, blinking with each gust of wind. The trees swayed. She had found a fascination in the night sky since childhood and it was always figured that this is why she went walking each evening all alone. She was warned not to go without company, she was warned not to go into the marshes, past that crooked tree. Few of us knew that she liked the darkest spot for the brightest stars.
3am, Lydia awoke, stirred in her dreams to follow the light flickering in the garden outside her window. The manor was a dark place with wide hallways and damp soaking through the walls in all of the disused rooms on her floor. The stench of the rotted wood kept to the west wing but it headed east inches each day. Ethel, the housekeeper, was too old to replace, and even if she did go, there would be no one who wanted to replace her, locked up with Lydia each day and night.
You see, Lydia had been “an odd child” since her childhood. The people in the surrounding towns had heard about the terrible incident that resulted in her little brother Adam’s, death. She ran home from the woods that afternoon and it was only when they all saw Adam’s small hanging limbs slung over the horse that same night, they turned their heads in fear of the little dark haired sister who didn’t speak a word.
Her father brought back his body from the woods. The townspeople lined up burning lanterns for his soul.
Lydia stared from her bedroom window, vaguely upset, but honestly feeling very little at all at the picture of Adam and her father. The house noticed. Whilst her mother and father despaired in the months after Adam’s death, losing nights and days to tears and suffering, Lydia heard echoes in the house and chased them all day down hallways and into rooms. The banging of her heavy run was heard all over in the house, except in the night.
At night Lydia was silent, her body lifting from the creaky floors, hovering above and pushed forward through the air as to not make a sound.
Her parents would awake to find her in the mornings sprawled out on the reception floor and even at times curled up on the west stairs. She was never rousable until later in the mornings, where she would get up and play. This pattern continued into her youth. Her parents were too distressed to notice.
It was a dreary November night when Lydia heard a whispering and followed a flickering light into her garden. Barefooted she walked to the marshes. A gust of wind lifted her and drove her body acceptingly over the wet marsh, her toes dragging along the mud, her toenails filling with blood. Lydia could not make a sound, it was forbidden by the whispers, and after all those years, the whispers were her friends.
The whispers showed her the stars, showed her the earth, and most importantly, they taught her how to feed it, her darkness. A consuming darkness that fed off the earth and starlight. A darkness that trusted the whispers and needed them to stay alive.
The whispers led her to the same place each night- the crooked tree and every morning she would wake up by that old crooked tree, making it home before the others would wake.
Adam was there, and a handful of other children that climbed out from its trunk each night, playing and spinning and running off to lure animals to the predator.
By dawn the branches of the tree would snap and break form, reaching out like a mother’s arm in every direction, pulling back her children from the woods. They screamed and Lydia watched them, their hands dragging through the wet grass, not being able to hold on, just as Adam couldn’t those years ago when the whispers asked her to bring him to them.
There was only one thing on Lydia’s mind at night, her hunger and her darkness. The tree would never move in day time, only when Lydia was there. Only when the whispers told her to go.
For some years Lydia felt the tree become a part of her. The whispers became the sound of her own voice. It was on a cold icy night that she finally let her body sink into the bark, and was encapsulated by the darkness completely, renouncing the last of her light.

Nothing changes

Life was easier back then.

Im not going to deny it

Life was almost thoughtless when I thought I was thinking about people

When I thought I was caring about people, I had my priorities completely misdirected

Thought I was only a child

Who knew?

I was reckless and fearless

Blinded by the medicine and blinded by a hopeful spirit

None of it was true

It was just the way things were supposed to be back then

I should have known better.

Pain now is worse

Knowing you lived as a dreamer and thought you knew what reality was

Only Now

Only now I know how special you were
Only now I miss your voice calling out to me
Pleads for help in the middle of the night
Night after night
Only now

Only now I miss your smell
Musky, slightly stale
Only now I inhale when I go into your room
Just to smell what’s left of you
Only now

Only now I dream of your hands
Holding mine as a child
Wishing I held them a bit longer as an adult
To remember what you felt like then
Only now

Only pictures of your face I see
Memories that will fade over time, naturally
Only now I feel the true extent of your love
And the true extent of mine
Only now

Ignorant Heart

Years of life given in the blitz of love
Sweltering in your arms, my heart encased
Protected and in comfort it was held
When all else seemed to fade away, you stayed.

Under a myriad of stars, each night adored
Intertwining branches of an oak, stood mighty
Two constants in time with sweetness of words
Held together by currents in an unsplitting sea.

Flashing back into view a new world surrounds
People gone, mad and away, I’m in a life deserted
Eyes of yours that moved astray
My heart surrendered in your grasp.

You loved me so fiercely, that I burned;
Now you’ll only be left with ashes
Time did change and you went with it
A soul is all that remains, my heart went first.

Love Made Me Do It

I was running. Running so fast I could barely feel my breath as it entered and left my lungs. Running so fast that my head throbbed with blood and made my vision foggy. “What have i done?”
I lay flat on the ground, the wetness on the street seeping through my clothes and cooling my back. My head stopped and i opened my eyes and sat up. He was standing in front of me now, I could see him clearly, staggering forward.

“Drop the gun, I’m here for you” Daniel reached out reassuringly, one hand reaching toward me and the other pressing hard on his left leg, where I’d just shot him.
I only meant to graze him, after all he was running first.
Daniel went onto his knees.
“Layla, don’t, please, we can fix this, it will be ok” he begged
But it was too late, I’d already shot him. If he went to hospital like that they would know and they’d investigate, and I’d would never get out. It was either him, or me.

I turned the gun in my hand and started to cry.
“No no Lay, give it to me, honey. I know you’re angry, I know what I did was wrong. You were never meant to find out like this.” Daniel had his head in his bloody hands. I could see the blood from his femur oozing out through the hole in his jeans. I didn’t know what was worse, that I had just shot my husband or that he was still asking for my forgiveness after all that.
There he was, making me think that I was the one who was in the wrong. The lying, cheating bastard. “The meeting was cancelled by the way. I lugged my bags up three fucking flights of stairs because of that shitty broken lift” I screamed through gritted teeth.
Most of all, it was the flash of the kiss I witnessed outside their top floor flat between him and Natalie, my best friend. Her arms over his shoulders and fingers grasping his hair, whilst he, with only a towel around his waist, clutched her bum with clenched hands, sucking on her lips. I couldn’t get those words out of my mouth, I already felt sick.

I gripped the gun in my hands, writhing in anger and hurt. I wanted to shoot again. Panicking, I threw the gun on the floor and kicked it into the bushes. I turned around, and ran. This time my blood was boiling and lungs were on fire. I made the mistake of looking back to see Daniel laying on the floor trying to tourniquet his wound. A military man who knew what to do, he’d be fine. Her history had a way of repeating itself, but at least this time she knew the best place to shoot without killing.

The Final Lesson Of My Youth

You knew there was hope in these waters
I felt like I couldn’t feel a thing
The world was growing all around me
I had no idea what to do

Patting my hair, holding my hands
What took you away from me, I can’t understand
God knew that I needed you here
Protecting my innocence and fear

And as things would change
I couldn’t stand a chance
Changing who I was to be a part of it all
You told me to trust myself and fall

Naive to think you’d be there
I thought always and forever
But life didn’t take it easy on me
I’m stuck here
You’re flying free

I devote myself to your love
As you continue watching me from above
Your departure was the final lesson of my youth.
Not one that I wanted, not one that I’d choose.